Conversations About Shame is a series of practical-philosophical essays based on a new reading of the 26 focus-group discussions and in-depth interviews that formed the foundation of my doctoral dissertation, A Study of Shame (2009). The essays explore how shame after sexual abuse can shape the body, personal boundaries, relationships, and the right to take part in life—and how a person may gradually reclaim their voice, dignity, and ownership of their own life.
Coming into Community
On Shame, Visibility, and the Slow Path into Community
The Body Was Violated, but Not Made Unclean
On Shame, the Body, and the Moral Wrong That Attached Itself to the Wrong Place
When the Child Believes It Had a Choice
On Coercion, Responsibility, and the False Guilt That Grows in Retrospect
The Body’s Response Is Not Consent
On Involuntary Bodily Responses, Responsibility, and the Shame That May Arise Afterwards
Control, Control, Control
On How Order, Regulation, and Self-Restraint Can Become a Defence Against Shame
What Helps and Harms at the Same Time
On Survival Strategies, Self-Protection, and the Difficult Path Towards Change
Sexuality Without Full Presence
On Disconnection, Bodily Participation, and the Slow Return to Oneself
Telling Without Telling Everything
On Silence, Ownership, and the Right to Decide Over One’s Own Story
The Gaze That Does Not Turn Away
On Shame, Recognition, and the Other Person’s Capacity to Remain
When Praise Slides Off
On Recognition, the Inertia of Self-Image, and Experiences That Need Time to Sink In
When Cocoa Is Better Than Interpretation
On Care, Reassurance, and the Small Actions That Bring a Person Back to the Present
The Wounded Helper
On Experience, Vulnerability, and the Responsibility Not to Make the Other Person Carry the Helper’s Story
It Is Permissible to Feel Good
On Guilt, Loyalty, and the Fear of Moving On with Life
Better to Face the Sorrow When It Comes
On Worry, Vigilance, and the Courage to Live Without Grieving in Advance
From Surviving to Participating
On Belonging, Action, and the Path Back to a Shared World
Practical Philosophy 